Season come and go but our friendship will never change

I am sick and tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound so goodie-goodie, but never actually come close to reality! Well, here area series of promises that really address what true friendship is all
about:

1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.  After all, if you hate them, then so do I!  We'll hate them together. 

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge the candy that's choking you.
Once it's cleared & you feel better, I'll treat you to a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top, down at the beach 

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.  And it was good...

4. When you are scared - I will tease you about it, unmercifully, every chance I get.  And rent the movie "Psycho," just to calm your nerves, while we eat buttered popcorn & drink coke. You, of course, will already have the chocolate ready... 

 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be, tell you to quit whining like a boo-hooing crybaby & ask you where your self-respect is! 

 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. And try very hard not to laugh too loudly...  

 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't
want whatever you have. 

 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your stupid face. Then I will help you up...& take you shopping at the dollar store...

This is my oath; I pledge it till the end.
"Why?" you may ask.

Remember:
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move the body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel

source: google.com